My darling girl when she was little, and things were easy.
As we move into the young adult years with our daughter, I see life lessons on the horizon for both her and myself. Growing up is hard. I have observed that the human condition remains the same throughout the generations. It is the setting that changes. I see my daughter struggling with many of the same issues I faced as a young adult: who am I, who will I become, what is important to me, who is essential to me, how do I fit into this life, what am I supposed to do? It's all eerily familiar. However, the world she navigates is much more complex and laid with boobie traps and guerilla warfare than the world I navigated. Unlike me, she faces challenges with grace, bravery, and an innate sense of self I did not possess until much later.
Doing the right thing is HARD; the older she gets, the more complex the choices and scenarios become. It is so much more than asking the new kid if they want to sit at your lunch table or being respectful when you feel disrespected. It is facing situations that nobody should face, knowing that the outcome might not be desired. She faces much more difficult challenges at her age than I ever did. I take my position as her role model very seriously. Yes, I continue to curse like a sailor, create a litany of foul names for the ass hat who cuts me off in traffic, and sing inappropriate songs to make myself giggle, but the big stuff, I try to be on my A-game. I try to do my best and follow my instincts for what is right. I also communicate to her my struggles because doing what is right is hard, and sometimes I feel uncomfortable while doing so, but in the end, I need her to know that I did what I did because it is the right thing to do. I have always taken a very real approach to parenting. I never tried to create the facade that I am perfect and have it all figured out. Instead, I take the attitude that we will figure out this thing called life together. I might not be perfect, but I act from my heart and do my best.
Watching her dip her toes into the sea of dating and the opposite sex has been...um, frightening. She has had her ups and downs with boys. Some boys have been people whom I imagined her with, and others...well, not so much. Although I have needed to be talked down on several different occasions, I have firmly believed that she is an intelligent young woman and that, in the end, it will all be okay. To date, she has not let me down. She may have given me a few grey hairs, but I am proud of her choices. Thankfully, she seems to have leveled off on the boy thing. She looks for authentic qualities in a partner and not just superficial ones. She has always done a superior job choosing friends, and I feel cautiously confident she will choose a boy with the same discerning attitude with which she chooses friends.
Navigating the social world of teenagers has always been tumultuous. However, today's teens face the real world and the digital world. Thank God cell phones were not a thing when I was a kid. My parents would have put me in a convent if they knew half of the shenanigans I got into. Not only are there no secrets, but one's mistake on a random Saturday night could follow one around for the rest of one's life. It's not child's play. There are so many levels of concern surrounding the digital age: bullying, sexting, online predators, catfishing, fake accounts, and add chats that are created exclusively to exclude one, and it is a social nightmare. The digital thing makes it very easy for people to be cruel. There is the feeling that one is wearing armor while hiding behind a keyboard. What one would never say to one's face suddenly becomes very easy behind a keyboard. I like to call it texting titanium balls. However, thankfully, my girl seems to have a level of "don't give a f#ck" that impresses even her dad. She has no issue identifying and walking away from a toxic situation. She makes me very proud.
I find myself struggling to let her handle difficult things without interfering. It's hard as a mom not to go into attack mode when some "less-than-kind person" is being mean to my baby. (It took me four tries and five Google searches to clean that up.) I also find it challenging to keep my attitudes and opinions to myself. Shockingly, I have strong opinions and am not afraid to voice them regarding the people I love...said with complete sarcasm. However, I know she has to walk her path, forge her way, make choices, and deal with the consequences to grow, mature, and become who she is meant to be. It's just so hard to go from the main protagonist in her life to a supporting character. Sigh.
I miss the days when she would come home outraged because someone said something mildly critical about her artwork, she had to sit with a boy at lunch instead of her best friend, or she was annoyed about not being able to finish crossing the monkey bars at recess. Yes, those were monumental at the time, but they were certainly easier than what we face today.
On this lovely, seasonal November day, stay safe and be smart. If you have little ones, embrace it for as long as it lasts (and that's not long enough). If you have older children, try to meet them where they are, set a good example, be real, and appreciate who they become because, honestly, it is a gift to watch them grow. Oh, and wash your hands. Parenting is dirty work.
