Ignore, Ignore, Ignore

We all face detractors in our lifetime. Whether it is the childhood bully who steals our lunch, a group of mean girls in high school, a jealous and combative co-worker, or perhaps a person close to us, one would expect to be in our corner but simply is not. Detractors will arise in every scenario to dissuade, create doubt, or discourage us from our path. If we give these detractors power over us, we have permitted them to win. How one responds to said detractors can be the difference between success and failure.

In my experience, I have noted several forms of detractors. One is what I call a front-door detractor. A front-door detractor is a hostile individual who blasts you, your ideas, or your business in your very presence. They will openly slander you and your product, post negative comments on social media, and treat you unkindly to your face. Front-door detractors are simply adult bullies. They use intimidation, gossip, and ill will as their weapons of choice.

Then, there are the backdoor detractors. A backdoor detractor has the same motivation as a front-door detractor but uses covert methods. This person may disguise themselves as an ally, an equal in your chosen field, or even a friendly acquaintance. This type of detractor can be far more challenging to deal with because they gaslight, constantly making you question your perception of the situation.

Lastly, there is the friend or family member who acts as a detractor. This person hides behind the ruse of care and concern for your well-being. They will say things like, "I'm just concerned for you. You work so hard. I worry you will wear yourself out," or "You should have just stayed where you were. You are crazy to think this will ever work. I only say this because I have your best interests at heart." This person doesn't support you, buy your products, or help promote your business. Instead, they hide behind worry and concern for you, making you question your every move.

If we allow detractors into our headspace, we give them the upper hand. The energy we spend being angry, insulted, questioning, and second-guessing is energy that deflects from our goal and our success. We cannot give 100% to our dreams and make them a reality if we are constantly dealing with detractors. Thus, the detractor wins. Their plan is complete, their goal is realized, and you have done the dirty work for them.

I recently spoke with a dear friend with a rather aggressive front door detractor. My friend is a small business owner who works tirelessly to build and create an excellent product and makes strides to grow and improve. Her detractor appears to know every move she makes in her business. She told me she feels like she is under surveillance because this person has the uncanny ability to replicate many of her ideas and products before she makes them public. Her detractor comments negatively on her social media, posts aggressive/confrontational posts on her own social media, and bad mouths her to anyone who will listen. My friend is quite beside herself in this situation. She called me asking for advice and insight on handling this person.

When I began my business in 2016, it was a creative outlet and a therapeutic activity that turned into a small side hustle. The company has grown organically through word of mouth from my wonderful soap family, support from other small business owners, and simple hard work. In 2019, when we made the jump as a family to turn this into our full-time job, we faced many detractors. Some of my staunchest supporters declared we could never make this work as our full-time source of income. They would say things like, "Well, you have to try, but don't be surprised when it folds." We were also told that we just "needed to get this out of our system because this is where we were in our journey, and it would serve us for the time being, but it is not a sustainable business." There was also the ever-popular "You guys must be crazy!" These comments came from people I loved and respected.

Call it sheer bullheadedness, tenacity, or strong-willed; we have stuck it out, and to date, we have made it work. In recent years, we have had our fair share of detractors. Whether it is single-minded determination, simply not caring, an innate inability to participate in shallow competition, or complete naivete, I do an excellent job of shutting out detractors. My motto is: Head down, blinders on, stay in my own lane. If I am focused on my goals and aspirations, I don't have time to give attention to detractors. In my simple approach to life, I cannot succeed if I am giving my energy to what someone else is doing. I don't have time to stalk websites, copy products, or spread gossip. If someone does this to me, they will eventually fall away because they are giving their energy to spreading negativity about me and not focusing on their business.

My dear friend Jane, who gives sage and sound advice, once told me the most powerful response is no response: ignore, ignore, ignore. I have applied this life lesson to my personal life and business. It is the most effective approach for detractors and nay-sayers, and it indeed works. I shared this advice with my friend as well. Her competitor will eventually fall away. This person simply cannot sustain her business while focusing on a smear campaign of my friend's business. It requires too much energy and effort. If my friend were to fall into this ill-fated trap, she too would fail. There is the old saying if you give one enough rope, they will hang themself. There is no need to suit up for combat with a detractor; they will eventually hang themselves with their own rope. It takes time and patience, but detractors will subsequently fall away.

I am a firm believer in energy, karma, or whatever you may call it. We get back tenfold what we put out into the universe. I don't wish ill will, failure, or struggles on anyone. If you are working to build something of your own, following your dream, and making strides to improve, I will be your loudest cheerleader. I will support you, share your ideas, and do my best to help you succeed. If you act as a detractor, I will simply put my head down, adjust my blinders, stay in my own lane, and ignore your efforts to distract me from my goals. Just think what a wonderful world this would be if we could all simply ignore, ignore, ignore.

On this lovely spring-like day, stay safe, be smart, stay in your own lane with your head down and your blinders on, and ignore, ignore, ignore.