There is big news at the Smay household this month. We have another driver in the family. Saturday, I took Jordan to get her driving permit. After what seemed like a lifetime waiting at the DMV for B325 to be called, she passed her written exam. With the weather in Pennsylvania being what it is, she didn’t want to drive the entire way home afterwards. Plus, we had to get a celebration breakfast in our bellies before we went home. However, at the halfway point and a visual on clear roads she took the wheel. She stayed on the road and watched her speed. I see no issues of driving in the future. It wasn’t that long ago when Jordan would mow the grass, every time the mower hit a bump, it would spit and sputter due to there not being enough Jordan to operate the safety shut off on the seat. She has had her fair share of being behind different wheels and levers, and I have faith she will be a good driver.
It never stops surprising me how very fast the years go by. I don’t feel like I am adult enough to have someone driving age call me dad. I have my share of old people aches and pains. Sleeping in without an early morning trip to the bathroom is a special treat that takes planning the night before. I now collect coupons for fast food that I never use. I grow white hair out of both of my ears. I despise the Disney channel. I would pick a night in over a night out most any night. I view any restaurant that doesn’t have hash on the breakfast menu as subpar. Besides that, I have come to the realization that I am a grownup.
During our visit to the DMV, I couldn’t help but think that the office was much bigger when I had to take my test. The whole process seemed like it was much more of a big deal back then. The folks behind the counter seemed like military type instructors. They all seemed to be counting down the days until retirement. The poor folks seem to have spent years in the movie Groundhog Day and can’t wait for it to end.
It is still odd to me that we are ending the era of saying, “Did you get your keys?” I don’t even know what we will say now. “Did you get your annoying little radio button thing that makes the car start if it is nearby and you hit the button in the car?” There is a beep from the car when you cross a line. The ageless advice from my teenage years of don’t do anything stupid, has been replaced with don’t make the car beep. There is probably an app or upgrade somewhere that records and sends notifications about all the beeps and issues when the car is in use. I feel bad that this group of kids has to go about their lives with constant monitoring. It is all they know and doesn’t seem invasive or unnatural. The freedom of driving has changed, and I am unsure if it is for the better. But these kids have gone their entire lives being connected. To live over an hour without a device is torture. On the first trip with Jordan driving, we made it a rule: the sound is off, and the phone goes in the glove box.
Even if I make it long enough to take grandkids or great-grandkids to get their driver’s permit, I will always be immature. I will always find it funny to announce, I am Vladimir Tootin after every single fart. I will always laugh watching a good kick to the groin video. Every morning I pass a Perkins, I will always announce that they are like Tinder for old people. I think more than enough products are on the market to fight aging. My secret weapon is not aging on the inside. After all, I was told what matters most is on the inside. I will also never stop using advice my parents gave me as a child, out of context for my own enjoyment. That’s right Tina, it doesn’t hurt to ask!
Until next month, be patient with slow moving drivers on the road. Feel free to announce you are Vladimir Tootin. Remember that getting old is a choice, for the most part. Stay safe and wash on.
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