Man Blog of May: I Call It Mind Blown May

It is time again for the man blog. This month, I realized that somewhere along the line, I turned into the librarian in The Twilight Zone and have become… obsolete. We have always said that we struggle with social media and don’t understand what is happening. Jordan informed me that I was not using YouTube correctly. It seems easy enough to me. I set up a camera with our herd doing something they do, record and put it online. Apparently, there has to be editing, subtitles, some sound effects, and even music. It can't be just music; it has to be trending music. The Bean informed me that we should have sponsors by now. As a matter of fact, “we should be sponsored to have our goat feed.” I said, “So, we would get free goat feed?” She replied, "Yep!" Apparently, that isn’t where it stops. She assured me if it was done right, we would also get paid to have free feed and to mention that we use it.

I felt like I was talking to someone in a different language. I said, “Let me get this straight: companies would send us feed.” Jordan, “Well, we need more followers, and then, yes. A company would sponsor us to use their products on our goats.” After a solid ten minutes of being unable to grasp the concept of exactly why in the world all of this happens she finally dumbed it down enough for me to understand, somewhat. “Dad, this is an actual job for people.” Again, I needed clarification: “You mean they just get things and post them online?” Giving me another look like I cannot simplify this enough because you are an analog clock in a digital world, she said, “Exactly!” We watched a few minutes of people opening products and discussing them. I can honestly say I don’t understand it. I somewhat understand companies endorsing athletes, but regular folks I don’t get. I had to suffer through multiple videos of a woman whose lips looked like they were attacked by an entire swarm of bees, opening up products and rambling on and on about them. “You do understand that all of the stuff in the background is there because they paid her to put it there?” Jordan asked me. I felt like I was a horsewhip maker at a horseless carriage shop. “Does everyone know this?” Apparently, everyone in the entire world knew this but me.

We watched a “Famous YouTuber” chat and rambled about nothing. How did they get famous? "For being on YouTube." What are they famous for? "They're famous for being famous on YouTube." It was like trying to debate which was first, the chicken or the egg. It turned into something I knew I couldn’t wrap my head around or comprehend, and I had to move on. It occurred to me that I had hit another milestone. I have become dated and cannot comprehend what makes most of the world tick.

Milestones when you are young are always memorable and pleasant, something to look forward to. Jordan is less than a year away from starting to drive. There is much planning and saving and car looking building up to this. Adult milestones are not fun. They sneak up on you out of the blue and remind us that we are turning into people who lament about today's youth, how the world has changed for the worse, and how the new generation will be society's downfall. The first ear hair that poked out of my head was another moment where I knew old age wasn’t far away. But like every significant event, the first one is the most memorable. It was a moment when I could not find tweezers fast enough. Several years after the fact, I feel that I don’t care about my ear hole forest unless they make it hard to hear.

Speaking of forests, we had to clean up some downed trees this month, and I managed to get into some poison ivy. Luckily, I didn’t have to get any medical attention over it this time. However, I did notice when I was rubbing Calamine lotion on my arms that they had turned into flabby old man arms. When I mentioned it to Tina, she asked if I would be looking for a weight bench on Facebook Market Place. That had never occurred to me. “Nope, I was just letting you know and getting ahead of this one so you weren’t surprised later.” Yet another mid-age milestone has been met.

The good thing about the month of cleaning up some downed trees and making mountain pies is that I have discovered that chicken salad and cheese mountain pies make a mighty fine meal when you are out of pizza ingredients and don’t feel like running to the store. I was also informed that we should have a small event where people buy tickets to cook and eat mountain pies in a goat pasture. Obviously, we would need influencers to influence everyone on how great it is. More than likely, we need to connect with Oscar Meyer to see if they want to supply hotdogs. If the wiener mobile is available, it could be worked in. We should also contact Cabellas to see if they would give us their camp chairs, hotdog sticks, and mountain pie makers so we can tell people how wonderful they are and how much they need them to have a successful camping experience. Perhaps an equipment brand will supply what is required to mow and gather the brush. Why stop there? Perhaps some company will donate a log splitter and a chainsaw so we can build a campfire. Don't forget the company that makes matches or lighters. We need matches and lighters for a campfire. If we are really going for broke, maybe Jet Puff will donate marshmallows, Hershey's will donate chocolate bars, and Nabisco will provide the graham crackers for us to make s'mores. Of course, we would have it all in the background of the official Mountain Pie Cooking Festival video. It all baffles me.

I have reached the point where I don’t understand any of this. I do know this Saturday is our little Springtime At The Farm event here at the farm from 9-1. It is apparently old school. There will be no Farris wheels, no famous for being famous people (None that I know of. I don’t get out enough to know the difference between an influencer and an average Joe), no bells, no whistles. We and our small group of vendor friends will be set up in our field. There will be goats, great food, amazing small businesses, and some excellent goat's milk soap. It's not fancy or famous, but it's us, the people we love, in our favorite place in the world.

Until next month, if we don’t see you on Saturday, I guess it is your mistake to make. After all, you won't find better company. Stay safe, and wash on.